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Keep Calm and Carry On…

One day about a month ago someone that loves me very much, knew and considered it necessary for me to read that quote everyday. So I opened the package and there it was…the bracelet I now wear on my left arm that states, “Keep Calm and Carry On”. An unconditional love looking me in the face, telling me what I need and often don’t want to hear. How ironic the bracelet I wear on my right arm she also gave me that states “You Only Fail When You Quit”. On my flight today, (yes, I’m still traveling) I giggled and thought to myself, so which is it? Keep Calm or Keep fighting?

It’s the end of the year. I’m always exhausted and ready to escape to my little farm in Oklahoma where I can watch the movie I love the most. It happens to be what’s playing as I look out through the sliding glass door from my den into the backyard in which I grew up. That’s my favorite movie of all times.

It’s a movie of memories that flood from my heart to my eyes of love, loss, joy, sorrow and every other emotion you find in the Oscar nominated movies. The movie of my life that only I can see, feel, touch and relive just as soon as the bus stops, the tour ends and I can just be a little girl from Oklahoma once again. I have tried to “blog” for 2 months now. I really have.

The tour ended in Chicago on Sept 19th. The end of a tour is always bittersweet. In this business, you never know for certain if you will get to do it again. Share your life with the same several dozens of people on buses going down the road, sending the kids home happy. You just always know that even when the tour starts again, it’s always different somehow. Someone is gone, someone is new… sometimes someone has died. Its always hard for me to walk onstage and smile on the last show of the tour. Even when I am tired and long for a bed that’s not moving down the interstate at 75 mph. So I thought I would blog about that. But then I left immediately on radio tour. Visiting Radio stations, seeing a lot of friends and trying to convince them all that my new single was the biggest thing that would hit Country Music in the 4th quarter of 2009. Over and over again, I would say to them “This is a day to live for, I promise your listeners will love it, please give it a shot” and on and on and on. Truth is, they will or they won’t. They like it, and me, or they don’t. They believe in the dream or they don’t dream at all.

It is sometimes about the music and then sometimes about the payoff…Did I say that outloud? It’s disheartening at best, and so I thought I would blog about that. But then, there was the European tour coming up.

Oh my Gosh… I couldn’t WAIT to blog about that! I LOVE going to Europe. I had my handy dandy flip video camera (Thanks Suz) all charged up and ready to go! I saw on the schedule where I was going to visit my favorite place on earth besides my farm, which is Dublin, and I was pumped! Guinness here I come!!
I started to blog… and then I got a call from my management company a couple of days before we left, (while I was still on radio tour I might add) asking me if I would be interested in opening the shows for Toby while we were there…. In Europe… oh shit.
I said to them while I stood there in my Great Big Shoes…. “of course!! That will be fun! We will work out songs, players, shows over the next couple of days before I leave and I will do it.” I followed it up nicely with an “I can’t wait!”

I hung up, and….threw up.

What was I thinking? I can’t open shows for Toby Keith. He’s a superstar. He thinks I’m good. He believes in me…. Evidently more than I believe in myself at this point. Oh my God, what am I going to do? I feel a flu coming on. I was so scared I found myself praying to God to make me too sick to travel. God said “no” and when I got to Glasgow, I drank a nice amount of Jack Daniels, put my big girl shoes on, walked out in front of 4500 people and “opened the show”… for Toby Keith. Now, most of you may think that for me that’s no big deal. Hell, I’m on stage in front of thousands and thousands of people every night and have been for the last 20 years or so. But, to walk on stage in a country where absolutely no one in the crowd has any idea who you are or what makes you think you have the right to take up their time before they get to see who they paid to see, with just me a microphone and a guitar player (thank you Rich)

That’s an entirely new game. And one I wasn’t convinced I knew how to play. As my dad used to say, it was time for my Rabbit ass to follow up and carry through with what flew out of my Alligator mouth.

But I did it.. Glasgow, London, Dublin, Belfast and several more… I thought to myself every night before I walked on stage. What do I love the most about my favorite artists of all times? And the answer was always,They just are exactly who they are. They open their souls up to the crowd and let them in. So that’s what I did. I laughed, I made fun of myself for wearing short skirts at 42 on high stages, I cried when I sang a song that people actually “heard” and I gave them…. Well… me. And I guess that honesty was enough for them. It was the time of my life and definitely a “Day to live For” over and over again.

So, I was gonna blog about that, but then the tour ended.
I had one day at home to repack, my head of promotion, who has just recently realized that I’m actually not “bulletproof” wanted me to visit some radio stations on my way from Nashville to my farm in OK for Thanksgiving. I did. I got home and I was going to kick back and enjoy a nice 4 day weekend in peace and quiet!
I couldn’t wait to blog about that! Thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for. A great job, boss, friends, family, love…. Etc… etc…

I walk in my house and there’s no water! Not that it matters because my hot water heater isn’t working either! That’s convenient! I spent the entire 4 days at home replacing a hot water heater, digging up well wires, (yes it’s in the country and city water isn’t available) replacing control boxes, thermal couples, blowing the foot of leaves away from my house and burning, setting mouse traps, I don’t even want to talk about the massive amounts of Hickory Nuts that were hidden in my bed. EWWW. Guess that’s what happens when you don’t get home from March to Thanksgiving.
“Keep Calm, or Keep Fighting”?

But, I had something to blog about and I was going to do it! I had great friends there in my simple little run down home town that came over with their trucks and tools and helped a girl out. I still don’t know what the world would do without country boys. I mean bible reading, skoal dipping, horse riding, wood cutting, truck driving country boys. I love them. Thank you Tracy and Paul for all the help.
And, thank you Aunt Pete for helping with the leaves! Sorry about your hair. I tried to tell you not to stand so close to the fire!

Back to Nashville, and off to Jersey and Philly to raise money and toys for needy kids. Now, I was definitely going to blog about that. Because these kinds of events are what make what I do “worth it”. Seeing those kids who otherwise wouldn’t get a toy for Christmas when their faces light up because something I sang at raised enough money to give them a bicycle! Wow…

But then, I was once again on a plane and headed back to Norway for the Nobel Peace Prize Concert. What an incredible honor. I just stood in the background and watched. Toby shine on every level and in some weird way, not that he doesn’t have enough people in his circle that are happy and proud, I was more proud than normal.
He brought a sense of “real” to the table. He walked right out there in his jeans and straw hat and absolutely Kicked Ass. Not that he doesn’t always,”kick ass” but it was different this time. I stood there in my “get up” and watched him as a fan from stage right. Then he continued to do so at the after show party. That’s certainly something to blog about…

Back home for a day and a half. Tons of changes coming down the pike on every level in my life…And I keep reading “keep calm and carry on”. So, here I am, on a flight to Vegas… giggling about it all. My Uncle Al lives here. I love to come see him because he wakes me up in the morning with Coffee with a shot of Brandy in it. He makes me toast with a cold side of Champagne.

We play… and laugh… and God knows I need it.

The fact is, I don’t really have a blog. I’m not sure what’s going to happen next. I don’t know what the answer is to “Keep calm or Keep fighting” Or Both.

I do know that I love you all for caring enough to read my long senseless non blog.
I do wish you all a Very Merry Christmas… yes I said it.. Merry Christmas.
Not Happy Holidays. And… you will hear from me in January and I will be ready to try again… I promise

Thank you for following me on this crazy journey
Xo, m